“Hear no evil. See no evil. Speak no evil.” Are you kidding? For far too many Americans today, that seems to be their life! Television news and political pundits don’t help. After all, if it bleeds, it leads. What can you post on social media unless it is provocative enough to get eyeballs and generate conflicting comments?
Part of the problem has to do with the immediacy of communication. It used to be you were warned to write your letter but wait a day to send it. Who waits a day? You are lucky if those responding wait ten minutes. Today, we let emotions triggered by another’s post or comment initiate an immediate response that is often emotional and just escalates the cycle of counter attacks. We may later wish we hadn’t made the reply, but it is too late.
Maybe it’s time we go back to some wisdom our parents repeated more times than I want to remember. But thankfully, I do remember, and their advice still serves me well.
“Don’t gossip. It’s none of your business, and you don’t even know if it’s true.” That bit of advice would probably eliminate half of the posts you read on Facebook. Don’t talk about others. If you have a problem with someone, talk to them before you spread gossip. Get their perspective. You seldom have all the facts.
“That’s no way for you to treat a neighbor! If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.” What was I taught to say? Say please, thank you, and good morning. When talking to adults, show respect by saying, “Mr. Smith or Mrs. Smith.” You eat what they serve. Remember, you represent our family! Make us proud.
“You are too young to see that!” My parents cared about what I saw and put limits on what movies and television shows I could even watch. Today, if you have a phone or a computer, you can see pornography and graphic violence on a moment’s notice. In fact, you can see anything, anytime, anywhere. You are what you fill your mind with. In this generation, that is downright scary.
“All God’s children are special! Act that way!” Treat all people with respect and don’t go thinking you are more special than anyone else. Race doesn’t matter. Ethnic background doesn’t matter. God gives each of us gifts. You may have gifts they don’t’ have, but they have gifts you don’t have. God loves all His children, and so should you.
“If you see someone in need, help them!” I was a Boy Scout, and we were supposed to help old ladies get across the street. We were expected to serve others. Now, some youths are hitting old ladies on our streets. We went to church every Sunday; we were encouraged to take seriously Jesus’ commandment to love as He loved.
“Don’t lie to me! Tell the truth!” There was an expectation of honesty. You felt guilty when you told a lie. You also knew that mothers had a network of other mothers in the neighborhood who were part of their truth squad!
“Don’t give me excuses! Get it done!” Life in our home was a meritocracy. You had to earn your allowance. You had chores, and you were expected to do them on time. Victim thinking was not tolerated. If it was your responsibility, you did it!
“Turn that television off. Go outside and play!” Granted, we only had three channels, and they weren’t on all day. But we lived outside. There was no “smart” phone to distract us. We played baseball, football, basketball, and dodgeball with the neighborhood kids. Mom would ring the bell for dinner, and we would come home. We were tired, connected to our friends, and enlivened by fun play.
Too many don’t go out without taking their phones to keep them company. We have our own sources of information that keep us angry about “the other.” Obsessively focusing on Washington politics doesn’t help you get to where you need or want to go. It won’t help you make a difference in your own local community.
What if we limited our time with television and our phones? What if we invested that time in making our communities better? There are an endless number of non-profits in your community that need more volunteers to keep them going. That’s where together you make a difference that counts, whether they are Democrat or Republican, black, white or brown, Christian, Jew, or none of the above. In fact, it’s such community involvement that preserves our country’s culture of caring and national unity.
Is it time we go back to the lessons we learned from our parents? Their wisdom helped us accomplish meaningful goals and live lives we could be proud of. What are you letting your mind focus on? Is your inner dialogue getting you where you want to go or keeping you stuck and preoccupied in complaining about what is wrong? Does what you watch and read nurture values you can be proud of?
America will remain strong as long as our citizens are strong, focused, and accountable for their own lives and contributing to the common good. That takes shared values and a commitment to handle our disagreements without being quite so disagreeable! May it be so.
Terry Paulson is PhD psychologist, professional speaker, and author of The Optimism Advantage and his new political novel, The Summit. Contact him at terry@terrypaulson.com.
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