I write this from 36,000 feet as I mourn for my country and my civilization. The current state of air travel provides the perfect illustration of the degeneration of our society from greatness to mediocrity to impending chaos. The week of Thanksgiving is the perfect time to complain like a little whiny brat about how this component of our existence, and so much else in our lives, seems to be in a downward spiral of failure. It is just another thing that has gotten worse, and that’s partly the establishment's fault. After all, the establishment runs things, like our government and our institutions and our airlines, and making things like flying not suck is its most basic task. It is a task the establishment has failed at miserably.
I would like to put it all on our purported leaders, but I have to concede that some of the sucking of air travel is a direct result of normal people. Sometimes they tolerate failure – look how many have and will vote for crusty Joe Biden – and sometimes they are dumb themselves. There is a lot of blame to go around, and we need to start assigning it as well as consequences or else we will not figuratively pull up and we will crash into the ground. This ordered society of ours is not the natural state of man and it balances on the edge, ready to fall off into total chaos.
Perhaps I am biased by having grown up in the best of times, the '70s and '80s and '90s, when America peaked. Sure, there were problems, but we got past them. We never thought things could get worse and, as we grew up in the analog era, they didn’t. They just got better. TV got better. Old sitcoms were vaguely amusing. Then, with shows like “Cheers” and “Seinfeld,” they got actively funny. Computers began as calculators. They got better, becoming Macs and PCs. Cars? Well, you can’t top the '60s cars, but the '70s cars like the Pinto and the Vega became sleeker and better in the '80s and '90s. You know what you don’t see that we used to? Cars at the side of the road just having broken down. It happens, sure, but not like it used to.
And air travel improved in that way, to give credit where credit is due. Planes used to crash all the time and now we have not had a death from an American commercial liner crash since 2009. But, other than that, it’s pretty much worse.
Flying used to be an adventure. It was special. But as deregulation cut prices, it stopped being special. Everyone could do it and now everyone does. The security lines are endless, and you have to pay extra for TSA Pre-Check or that Clear thing that intermittently works to avoid an extra half-hour in line. Even then, you’re likely to get irradiated or felt up in case you are packing heat. Nothing like pulling the retired Army colonel aside for an extra colonoscopy just in case he decides to go rogue!
The terminals are packed too. Try getting a coffee. The line is longer and slower than a queue at a Maricopa County polling place.
And the lounges, which you need to pay for if you travel a lot, are packed. The macchiato machine is mobbed. Want an upgrade? Ha! There are 47 people ahead of you on the list! Hey, when everyone is a Super Special Elite Premier Member, no one is!
And loading the plane? I’ve been to better organized Who concerts…literally. Nothing like holding up the line while dingus discovers he needs to scan his boarding pass and decides that right up at the counter is the place to dig it out instead of during the 20 minutes he was standing there waiting. And then there is the inevitable argument with the woman in Group 12 who tries to slip into Group 1.
Every airline is Spirit now, with crowds of rude and dumb people acting like knuckleheads. There are more misbehavior-at-the-gate clips on the web than cat videos. But there are bright spots. Today, a diverse group of passengers got together to help a confused old lady find her way to her gate – Americans have not totally lost their natural friendliness. But how many times have you tried to get on a plane and it’s like half the people have never flown before? You have women trying to load overloaded steamer trunks into overloaded overhead bins, while grown men stand there looking at their phones instead of helping. Dude, lift the damn bag for her, if not because you’re a man then because you are holding us all up.
When is the last time you sat next to an empty seat? Every flight is full now, thanks to the algorithms the airlines use. How come their algorithms are so effective but the ones on Twitter/X send me ads for Cheech & Chong dope chews? And the seats seem designed for Frodo Baggins. I do generally have good experiences with the flight crews, and I pity them for having to remind people over and over again not to start unloading their bags while the plane is rolling to the gate. Oh, and don’t get me started on the genius who decides to wait until he gets on-board to execute his 15-minute dinner download in the one working toilet while a dozen people writhe and stamp waiting.
And then there is the fact that a lot of people dress poorly when flying. I am not advocating the old suit and tie vibe of my childhood – you really did dress up to fly, and when you got off you smelled like an ashtray. But here’s an idea: pants, shirts, shoes. I do not need to see another tween with “Juicy” emblazoned on her booty shorts – parents, try parenting! Of course, her mom’s inevitably got more tatts than the 1st Marine Division and dad’s busy calling his parole officer.
Oh, and little kids on flights. Surprise – I am not mad at them. They are kids. They cry and act like kids. As long as the parents aren’t ignoring their antics, your obligation is to cut them slack. Kids are annoying on planes. That’s the price you pay for being in society. Deal. Again, this assumes attentive parents at least trying to parent. The ones who find little Kaden’s ceaseless kicking of his seat delightful deserve the D.B. Cooper treatment sans parachute. Oh, and silence their electronics.
What can be done about this sorry state of affairs? Things can be better organized at the institutional level in the airports and onboard, but we citizens can do our part too. Pay attention and have situational awareness. Be ready to perform tasks like showing your boarding pass and loading your carry-on. Help people around you. Have patience with the young and old, if not the dumb. Do not make things harder than necessary on staff or other people. Smile and be polite, even if you want to scream. In short, our part is to not act like idiots.
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