Back about a million years ago, long before I got with the hot wife, I was dating this very nice girl who asked me, shyly and with some hesitation, if I would take her to Outback Steakhouse. I was planning on taking her someplace very expensive, but Outback Steakhouse? Cool – when I was a kid, the Outback Steakhouse of the ‘70s, Sizzler, was a family treat. I could get a blooming onion and save a few bucks – a win-win! So, I took her to Outback Steakhouse and she loved it. She was in heaven. She was a lot like the Republican Party – the world’s cheapest date.
Which brings us to the case of John Fetterman and the occasional Democrats who we Republicans swoon over because they are not completely insane and they don’t seem to hate us. That’s enough to make some of us swoon.
The current Republican infatuation with John Fetterman is just that – an infatuation. Infatuations are neither reasonable nor rational. They’re emotional, and we Republicans tend to get emotional about this kind of rare Democrat. But we shouldn’t be emotional. The guy is a leftist. He’s a very dedicated progressive who believes in a lot of stuff we don’t believe in. But he does agree with us on some issues, and they tend to be sensible stuff – especially since he has recovered from his health issues. He thinks it’s probably a good idea to send illegal alien rapists and murderers back to their Third World hellholes. Outside of Washington, DC, this is not controversial. Inside Washington, DC, you can get over 150 Democrats to vote against the idea. He also sides with Israel over the semi-humans of Hamas. Again, opposing these particular rapists and murderers is not controversial beyond the Beltway, only inside it and in the deep recesses of the blue cities and college campuses. His embrace of these concepts shows a baseline of sanity that you don’t see with regular Democrats, though he also goes in for trans nuttiness, DEI, and the redistribution of the means of production to the workers.
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But such sporadic demonstrations of sanity are not the real reason for his exaggerated popularity on the right. The Shrekian senator is not only unusual because of his bizarre athleisure attire and sassy cartoon donkey pal but because he doesn’t seem to hate our guts.
It’s not that he’s not pugnacious. He’ll throw a punch, and those punches hurt when you’re that big. But when you listen to the guy, he doesn’t drip with utter contempt for people on the other side of the aisle. In this way, he is similar to Tulsi Gabbard, who was another far-left Democrat progressive who became popular with Republicans initially because she not only questioned some of her party’s more far-out stances but because she didn’t seem to hate Republicans. Tulsi made the leap, though her past – as of this writing – may keep her from Trump’s cabinet. But the genesis of her acceptance by the GOP base was simply not hating us.
Fetterman shouldn’t hate Republicans, if only because it’s not smart politics. He’s a politician and a pretty savvy one. If you remember, he decisively won a tough race against Dr. Oz, a big TV star who looked pretty good on paper. Pennsylvania is purple, but it is starting to turn red. It’s going to be substantially more scarlet when Fetterman has to run for reelection in 2028. And 2028 is an election year where you’re likely to have, if the last two weeks are any indication, a very popular and successful Vice President JD Vance running on the same ballot for president. Pennsylvania is going to get a lot of attention, and the smart play to keep his job is to not alienate anyone he doesn’t have to alienate.
But that doesn’t excuse Republicans for viewing this guy with rose-colored glasses. We’ve got to stop thinking with our hearts and start thinking with our heads. The great Salena Zito, one of the few mainstream reporters who actually reports from the United States of America and who knows Pennsylvania better than anyone else, insists that he’s not a fanatical progressive. His record bears that out. He’s no AOC, but in the big picture, he’s still sitting there near the left edge of the frame.
Yet, some ever-hopeful Republicans hint that maybe John Fetterman will jump across the aisle and change his party affiliation to Republican. That’s simply delusional. There’s just no way. We mistake the fact that he doesn’t reflexively try to scratch our eyes out like a Tammy Duckworth or scalp us like Big Chief Warren as evidence that he wants to give us a big hug and embrace our entire agenda. He doesn’t. And he’s never going to.
Instead, he may evolve into a Joe Manchin Lite, a Democrat red-state senator who occasionally tosses a vote in with the Republicans but never when it really matters. When it’s serious, when it’s going to actually affect something important, he will be right there with Chuck Schumer. Yes, he will get on Twitter and tweak the Palestinian Pals Caucus. No, he’s not going to go down with the ship on the more insane aspects of the pro-illegal alien agenda, like refusing to send rapists and murderers home. His constituents at home would not appreciate him being a radical. He knows his voters, and he will vote the way his voters want when he can. But other than the occasional iconoclasm, this guy is as reliable a Democrat vote as any of them.
We Republicans need to friendzone Fetterman, not fall in love with him. Flirt, but that’s it. We need to understand the nature of our relationship. He’s an opponent, not an ally. To the extent he’s friendly to us, we should be friendly to him because it’s generally better to be friendly than unfriendly, but we shouldn’t fool ourselves that the fact that every interaction with him doesn’t involve him dripping with contempt that we dare to exist means he’s our buddy. We can and should co-exist with him, joining with him, when possible, to push our agenda right up until we can field a Republican candidate to take his seat. We can do better than a blooming onion at the political Outback Steakhouse.
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