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OPINION
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Yes, We Can … Deport All Illegal Aliens!

The opinions expressed by columnists are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of Townhall.com.
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AP Photo/Eugene Garcia, File

Donald Trump has been talking about deporting the millions of illegal aliens – they’re not “undocumented workers” or “migrants,” they’re illegal aliens – who Biden/Harris let in here and, of course, the regime media and the Democrats, as well as the Never Trump collaborators, are all in on the idea that this is somehow impossible. We can’t do anything about these millions of Third World parasites, so why even try? But you know what? Nothing is impossible if you just do it. Why can’t tens of millions of illegal aliens be deported? There’s an easy answer – they can, and they should be. We just have to do it.

What we need is the will. What we need is not to allow ourselves to be swayed by sympathy for criminals who shouldn’t be here in the first place. What we need to do is be tough. I’m not sure that a majority of Americans are tough anymore, but I think I’m a minority of Americans are tough enough to do what needs to be done. Time to get deporting!

Now, am I saying the Border Patrol and other law enforcement agencies should sweep through immigrant communities to sweep up the illegal aliens, toss them on trucks, and dump them into Juarez? Well, yes. I’d love that. But that’s unrealistic for several reasons, including the fact that we don’t have that many trucks. It’s a logistical challenge. Luckily, there are other, more efficient ways to do it. 

We do it in ways that incentivize them to get the hell out of our country. Yes, we do conduct some sweeps to keep them on their toes, but we want law enforcement’s active enforcement to focus on the dangerous criminals. We need to check the citizenship of anybody who gets arrested. Any suspects who don’t come back as American citizens don’t get out of jail. They get put on a bus and sent south once they have served their sentence. No bail. This crap about not complying with immigration holds must stop – and it can stop if we just refuse to give federal money to any municipality that doesn’t hold illegals in custody. I find it bizarre that all these illegal alien murders, rapists, and drunk drivers always seem to have just been released from custody. Release them from custody at the Rio Grande, and then kick their butts in. 

It’s the others, tens of millions, who are here sort of working that we need to incentivize to leave. How do we do that? Well, first of all, we stop giving them money. Illegal aliens currently get a ton of money, usually funneled through NGOs, that ends up paying for their hotel rooms, food, cell phones, pot, and booze. Stop giving them money. Give them nothing. No aid, no support, no welfare, no healthcare, no shelter. Where will they sleep, asks the bleeding-heart sissy? I don’t know – not my problem – but they can’t do it here. Go crash in Tijuana. Get the hell out.

Derailing the gravy train is only a start. Some illegals are actually working here, taking American jobs that would be filled once we stop paying American citizens not to work. We need to target and tax their remittances. That’s money sent back to their families back in their garbage from third-world countries of origin, usually by Western Union or some other process that we normal people never use. We should tax remittances at 50%. That makes it economically difficult to work here, as well as allowing these parasites to pay for the damage they’ve inflicted on our society’s checkbook.

We need to vigorously enforce the laws against hiring illegal aliens. Companies are not supposed to be hiring legal aliens. For too long, we’ve winked and nodded at businesses that do. That must stop. Don’t focus on the illegal aliens because that’s not efficient. We focus on the businesses. We make it uneconomical for companies to hire illegal aliens. And guess what? They will stop, or at least slow down. But we will need to do a little more than just send inspectors with clipboards out to review company payrolls.

After all, doing it with straight-up up law-enforcement is inefficient. There are far too many businesses. We must unleash the lawyers and allow them to use their powers for good instead of evil for once. We must allow individual citizens to sue companies that hire illegal aliens to recover a portion of the damage that the illegal aliens have caused society (the rest of the money goes to the Treasury), and, of course, we set a presumption of the damage that the illegal alien has caused the society as, say, $5,000 each, plus attorney's fees. We must create an army of bounty hunters who go out and look for businesses to sue for hiring illegals. Why do they hire illegals? Because illegals are cheaper. Stop making them cheaper.

There’s a proven of proven record of success in enforcing regulatory compliance through the use of lawsuits. Do you know why there are not high towel racks and narrow doors at businesses anymore? Because of the Americans With Disabilities Act. There is a thriving cottage industry of disabled plaintiffs who go out to companies, make note of all the ADA violations, and then file lawsuits. This is why businesses comply with the ADA, not because they’re nice or because it’s the law. They know that some jerk in a wheelchair is going to roll up and sue them for thousands and thousands of dollars because the sink isn’t exactly the right distance off the floor. It’s very annoying. There’s a lot of abuse. I’ve defended many companies who’ve been hit with this kind of lawsuit, but the overall effect is that the businesses finally comply. And that’s what we need to do with the illegal aliens. Imagine you’re some poultry company, and some dude sues you because you’ve got 300 illegal aliens chopping chicken. Calculating 300 illegals at $5,000 each comes to a lot of money, and suddenly, hiring illegal aliens is no longer economical. 

When there’s no market for hiring illegal aliens here, they will go home all by themselves. I’m not heartless. I would give them bus fare to the border. But they need to go. There’s no situation where they should stay. If we don’t enforce the laws that we pass through the democratic process – yeah, I know we don’t have a democracy, and yeah, I know that the left doesn’t actually want a democracy – we don’t actually have a democracy. But I prefer a country where I have a say in how things are run, and I think you probably do too. That’s a prerogative of American citizens, and this American citizen says that illegal aliens need to get the hell out.

My super-secret email address is Kurt.Schlichter@townhall.com

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