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OPINION
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Nothing Is More Embarrassing Than Alleged Cons Channeling Libs

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AP Photo/Patrick Semansky

These GOP hacks have got to stop trying to play within the progressive paradigm. Cue Nikki Haley to go full cringe trying to curry favor with, frankly, I have no idea who by claiming “minority” status. Republicans, buddies, everything we are about is rejecting this kind of characterization and categorization by immutable attributes like ethnicity and gender. Why the hell do some alleged conservatives insist on playing this kind of loser game? Could it be because they are losers?

Who says social media is a dystopian hellscape of seething filth? Singer Oliver Anthony has come out of nowhere singing songs that resonate with proud Americans. He’s not ham-handedly partisan. He’s not preachy. But he’s captured the raw experience of millions upon millions of real Americans and these people are being heard. Good. This is a necessary part of reclaiming our share of pop culture.

Why Is Nikki Haley?

That’s the question. Really, why is Nikki Haley? As in, why does she insist on existing? Like the dinosaurs, which were at least cool, Republicans like her one ruled the earth, but the comet for the GOP dinosaurs was Donald Trump. He changed the rules for the better and demonstrated that we are no longer stuck in a 2005 time warp. 

And nothing says time warp Republican like on trying to climb aboard the lib identity train. Here’s what Nikki had to say, as cited on Twitter recently:

“I am a minority first, so I think I’m as diverse as it gets. But I think minorities are smart. Minorities don’t vote for people because the color of their skin.”

Gee, I thought Republicans should be Americans first. But no, she’s got to try to play, I guess, the Indian card – subcontinent, not Elizabeth Warren. I mean, unlike Big Chief Commie Girl she is, at least, not lying about her ethnic heritage. But what the hell does her ethnic heritage have to do with anything? She seems to think it’s important, but why? My ethnic heritage, your ethnic heritage, and her ethnic heritage, do not make us better or smarter or more worthy, nor do they grant a deed to any kind of moral high ground. It’s a fun fact, and nothing more – yeah, my ancestors ate haggis and/or weinerschnitzel. Who the hell cares?

It's the enemy that sees these things are important. It is not us. This kind of pandering is not just morally bankrupt. It’s not even effective. No matter how hard the sorry likes of Nikki Haley can pander about race, et al., she will never and can never out-pander the left. So, why the hell are these people even trying?

Sheesh, what the hell is it with South Carolina Republicans?

This Oliver Anthony Guy Is Interesting – And Important

Let’s be clear – I find the whole genre of country music agonizing. It’s not my thing, not at all. I like 80’s post-punk alternative, an artifact of growing up as a California suburban kid before the Golden State became the Hobo Spoor Brown State. That music means something to me, but guess what? Country music means something to a lot of other people, and this Oliver Anthony guy has touched a nerve.

He's got three Top 10 songs at once. Pretty impressive. But these are not just songs about drinking and fighting and trucks and dogs and Saturday night – not that there’s anything wrong with those (I make no claim that my loud/fast music necessarily has any significance beyond being fun). His songs mean something to people. They are protest songs, as is the “Small Town” song by Jason Aldean. They are about life lived right now among the people who are frankly the backbone of our country. They have been wrongly excluded from pop culture for far too long and it’s good to see them reclaim what is theirs.

Now, I make no pretensions about who I am, a lawyer in LA who likes red wine and Alpine white German sedans, but I came from these folks and, more importantly, I served with these folks. They are the best – and they always took care of their weirdo token Californian lieutenant. Moreover, they took care of their country. These are the guys who signed up and deployed, and they are the guys who came back wounded in body and sometimes soul. And our society’s garbage ruling class at best ignores them when it was not actively hating them.

Oliver Anthony sings about people who have been overlooked and looked down on, yet who refuse to quit. Here’s the thing – the protest songs, and that is what they are even though he honestly denied petty partisanship, are the first step in something bigger. This cultural and political oppression cannot continue forever. The pain that Oliver Anthony tapped into is not simply going to dissipate. It is going to grow. That it is now seeping into the culture around the barred doors of the cultural gatekeepers indicates the power that is out there. These real Americans, these patriots who love family and faith and the flag, but not in some performative way designed to get votes or sell a crappy beer, are not going to lie down forever.

Oliver Anthony is a warning, just like the folk musicians of the 60s were a warning that out there, under the cultural radar, is a tsunami. The one in the 60s was largely awful. This one I assume – I hope – will be good. But it is coming. And through Oliver Anthony, you heard can hear the rumbling of something massive.

Follow Kurt on Twitter @KurtSchlichter. Get Inferno, the seventh book in the Kelly Turnbull People's Republic series of conservative action novels set in America after a notional national divorce, as well as his non-fiction book We’ll Be Back: The Fall and Rise of America.

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