The weird thing about Utah is that while its patriotic, conservative citizens will elect winners like the ever-amusing Orrin Hatch, they are also suckers for prissy invertebrates like Mitt Romney. And now Evan McMullin, the slightly less-lumpy doppelgänger of Brian Stelter (who is a potato), has taken a break from dodging his creditors from his last Toobin Zoom call of a presidential campaign to enter the Utah Senate race against conservative stalwart Senator Mike Lee. McMuffin has got the full backing of the Lincoln Project types, though it might be a hassle campaigning when his biggest supporters can’t come within 1000 feet of a middle school.
For reasons that utterly escape any sensible person, the citizens of Utah are the last stubborn remnants of those who respect Mitt Romney. Romney, a healthy and rich man who did not serve in the military (nor did his rich and healthy sons Skip, Scoop, Tagg, Tugg, Bongo and Fleep), was merely mediocre back when many of us squandered our vote on him in 2012. He was just sort of there, inept but inoffensive, gimp-suited up for a public S&M session with Mistress Candy Crowley. He was not a bad guy then, just a weak and kind of dumb one who thought the fact that he inherited wealth meant he also inherited skills. He didn’t. He’s a loser, a Chamber of Commerce-con on the cutting edge of 2003-era GOP decline management.
Romney lost in 2012 because that’s what losers do, yet while we held him in contempt for his flaccid weakness, we never thought he was a bad guy. He seemed to be just a Ned Flandersy neighbor from who you can borrow sugar from if you run low. But then he got his fussy feathers in an uproar about Donald Trump, as betas tend to do in the presence of an alpha. He ran his fool mouth oh-well-I-nevering about how Trump’s unbroken track record of potent heterosexuality made the Bad Orange Man icky. When Trump won a much harder race than the one Mitt blew, Romney came groveling to the new POTUS for a Sec State gig.
Trump, who never tried to pretend that he was a nice person, publicly humiliated Romney, and Romney took offense. That was weird, since for the Never Trumpers humiliation is a key component of the kink, but after that Mitt became a huge creep. In the manner of the insufferable Bushes, he turned on the people who had had his spine-free back for years because we dared pass him over in favor of someone who didn’t suck. He's been sticking his former supporters ever since because he’s mad that Trump won and he’s as close to being a nobody as you can be and still be a senator.
It was bad enough when this dollop of human Miracle Whip decided to march with BLM. Now he’s screwing over Mike Lee by refusing to back him in the primary against Evan McDeadbeat.
It’s unclear if it’s just jealousy because Lee is a respected conservative instead of a dog-tormenting punchline, or because Lee has refused to obsessively hate on Trump for the crime of not being impressed with Mitt Romney. Regardless, it’s pretty shameful. Once Romney was just an affable clown, but now he’s a jerk betraying his own because his feelings got hurt.
Maybe Romney knows he’s getting primaried next time and is letting his freak flag fly by backstabbing actual true conservatives. But going all in on McMullin? That sorry creature is a toad, a shameless creation of the MSNBCNN/WaPoNYT axis designed to separate the Margaret Dumont pearl-clutcher corps from their hard-unearned money. He’ll have the backing of the Bill Kristols, David Frenches, Jonah Goldbergs and Jen Rubins, and every cruise ship crewman out there will be chipping in to raise money to fuel the McMullinmania. There aren’t many, but some are rich and it will be a hassle for Lee. You Utahans need to get woke to the scam. You are nice people, resolutely unbased old-school Republicans who want to be liked. And Evan McMullin is laughing at you.
Lee’s power move is simple – he needs to hit the hot buttons that make McMullin’s funders wet themselves and gets saps like Mitt sputtering “But that’s not who we are!” He needs to hit CRT, the border, defunding the police, and standing up to the employers of Eric Swalwell’s booty call. The Dems and the GOP traitors hate the idea of pushing back on racial indoctrination, illegal aliens, crime, and the Chi Coms, but the good people of the Beehive State will love it. That’s the key for Lee – distinguish himself from the pinkos and frauds who perpetrated and would perpetuate these abominations.
Schumer has to be delighted at this turn of events. Putting Lee at risk is awesome – there’s a low but non-zero chance that he could lose, and regardless this race will eat up money that could be better spent in actually competitive states running up the score on a Republican Senate. The garbage regime media is in an onanistic frenzy over the doofus’s quixotic run – though Don Quixote had the excuse of myopia whereas this ski-bald mutant is just a flat out grifter. Mitt’s endorsement of a loyal Republican like Lee would probably assuage the Utah squish squad and put this race away early, saving the GOP a ton of money better spent unseating Schumer. But, as these Richie Rich pols have shown again and again, their widdle feels trump any loyalty to the Republican base that once backed them. So, thanks to Mitt, Schumer’s got 99 problems, and Utah ain’t one.
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