Finally, someone had the courage to say it out loud – racism is bad, and we are truly blessed that our celebrities, corporations, and politicians are willing to say so no matter what the cost.
Alvin York.
Audie Murphy.
That weaselly guy from Breaking Bad.
This is the pantheon of true American heroes. Except York and Murphy were much less heroic than Whatshisname, since they did not accept personal responsibility for their participation in the genocidal systems of oppression that your man-bunned TA taught you about at Goucher College. They were too busy killing krauts.
I say pull down their statues and scrub their names from history for their lack of wokeness.
Instead, let’s put up a statue celebrating the severe-looking gal in that celebrity video who wears the Smart Girl Glasses™ that she must have borrowed from S.E. Cupp. I don’t know who she is, but she must have done some hardcore racisting in the past to be so repentant.
Yet, she has somehow found the courage to change. She is now against racism, and she is taking responsibility, and she wants everyone to know it.
That’s real courage.
She and the rest of her pals who star in stuff we don’t watch – I think I recognized three of the repentant responsibility-takers in that PSA – are fighting back against all those people out there in America who love racism, which these stars hate.
This has never happened before in all of American history, which began in 2008, and it is long overdue that someone has finally summoned up the strength to say “Racism is bad.” Luckily, we have B- and C-level celebrities to confront all the monsters out there loudly advocating in favor of racism.
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Where would we be without Hollywood?
And we need to recognize the courage of the giant multi-national corporations as well. They too have bucked the current in society and likewise taken hard, lonely stands against racism. For instance, Sprite put out a statement against racism and it was a long time coming for this high-fructose corn syrup delivery system dealer to confront head-on the terrible legacy of racist racism, if not diabetes. Other companies have done the same. Credit card companies, insurance companies, adult diaper companies…these corporate freedom fighters have publicly, through their PR consultants, committed to not be for racism, even if not liking racism costs them the business of the giant, amorphous customer base out there that strongly supports racism.
And many of these companies are not satisfied with merely putting out generic statements. They are reaching out directly to their customers to make sure their patrons are aware of their nonconformist position against racism, confident that we need to be reminded that no, they do not like racism. Not one bit.
They seek you out by bombarding you with emails with subject lines like “At Fred’s Pizza Barn, We Think Racism Is Bad” and “Zit-B-Gon Zit Cream Stands Strong Against Racism.” And if your email program sends these vital communiques to the spam folder, it needs to check its privilege.
All this is necessary to help you navigate the racism minefield of American commerce, lest you accidentally do business with one of the many pro-racism companies out there. How many times have you had to rent a car, but found yourself wondering, “I wonder if this rent-a-car company opposes racism or whole-heartedly embraces it?”
All too often.
But no more. Because, in your inbox, there is probably an email from your preferred rent-a-car provider reassuring you that yes, your preferred rent-a-car company is against racism.
Phew.
That is a relief. Take that, all you rent-a-car companies that love racism. I’m getting my next Ford Taurus that reeks of feet and used sausage from a company that doesn’t just rent me cars but also rents me racial justice.
And all the cool politicians are on-board with not being for racism too. Did you see Nancy Pelosi’s creaky kneeling photo op? It was awfully nice of someone to help the 237-year-old Speaker of the House to her feet afterward. Getting out there in her kente shawl was not at all transparent and condescending pandering, but was instead a powerful rebuke to all those people who don’t vote her way and are totally racist, since she is loudly and clearly against racism. This was a photo op of justice, as opposed to the photo op by Trump in front of the church the leftists burned down, which was pretty much the same photo op Hitler would have arranged had he been Trump, which he literally is according to the smart people in the mainstream media who are not at all insane and who, as they will happily tell you, also hate racism.
It’s also nice to see all the mayors and governors assuring us that despite the risk at the polls, they too are against racism. Even our military senior leadership, flush from achieving strategic victory after victory during the last three decades, is making it clear that it is against racism. We can expect these generals to have the same massive success in ending racism as they had defeating America’s enemies in war.
Yes, it’s truly heartwarming to see all these people and organizations finally finding the courage to be against racism. But now it’s your turn – really, your duty – to make sure that everyone knows that you are against racism too. Frankly, if you are not constantly publicly announcing that you are against racism, the only logical and fair thing to conclude is that you are actively for racism. At least, that seems to be how this all works now. So, in your individual life, make sure that upon interacting with someone you clarify your position by stating, “I really hate racism and I am against it.” Otherwise, they will have to assume you are for it.
After all, when people tell you they are not something bad, they are never, ever trying to cover up that they, in fact, are that something.
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