A little boy was once asked to define Father’s Day. He thought for a moment and then said, “It is just like Mother’s Day, only you don’t spend as much on the present.”
While that joke might earn a few laughs, it is easy to be “down” on fathers today. As we emerge from the COVID-19 pandemic, another crisis remains: fatherlessness.
The National Fatherhood Initiative writes, “There is a father absence crisis in America. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, 18.3 million children, 1 in 4, live without a biological, step, or adoptive father in the home. Consequently, there is a father factor in nearly all social ills facing America today.” Those social ills include poverty, teen pregnancy, behavior problems, child abuse and neglect, infant mortality, substance abuse, incarceration, childhood obesity, crime and a higher high school dropout rate.
In the last 30 years, the rate of fatherlessness in the Black community has grown by 28.5%, by 126.3% in the Hispanic community and by 220.5% in the white community. This is an all races, all society problem.
Considering this, it would be tempting to say the present situation is hopeless. But Scripture teaches us that God highly values fathers and that he himself is a father to the fatherless:
“A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families, he leads out the prisoners with singing; but the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land” (Psalm 68:5-6).
Fathering is a difficult, glorious journey that is full of gifts that you can receive. And if you are a father, I hope you receive some great gifts today, both literally and metaphorically. But more importantly, there are some gifts you can give to your children that will not only impact them, but also future generations.
Here are five gifts from the best parenting manual on the planet —the Bible— that you can give to your children this Father’s Day:
Accept their uniqueness (Proverbs 22:6).
Find what is special and unique about your children and celebrate them. Help them develop their gifts and interests even if you may not share those gifts or interests. You and your children will learn some valuable lessons that will not soon be forgotten.
Affirm their value (Psalm 139:13-14).
Even though none of us have perfect fathers or will ever be perfect fathers, we can let our children know they matter to God, to us and to the world.
As the Fathers and Families Center notes, “According to the U.S. Census Bureau, children from fatherless homes are twice as likely to commit suicide than their peers from two-parent homes. In addition, a full 63% of all youth suicides happen to children from fatherless homes (U.S. Department of Health & Human Services).”
At a time when millions of people are struggling with mental and emotional health issues, we need to let our children know how much we love them, that they are okay the way they are and that their lives have purpose.
Trust them with responsibility (Luke 16:10).
Giving our children the gift of responsibility helps shape their character and their future. While this will look different in every family, we should encourage our children to take ownership of their choices and give them opportunities to have responsibility.
Correct without condemning (Proverbs 19:18).
Helping to guide and lead without destroying is a key part of the teaching journey of fatherhood. We can instruct and correct our children without tearing them down. The best way to do this is to have a relationship with your children. Ask them questions and commit to listening.
Love them unconditionally (Ephesians 4:32).
Children should never have to feel that their father’s love for them is based on their performance. We certainly don’t make the best decisions at all times, so we shouldn’t expect that of our children, either. Demonstrating both forgiveness and repentance — we need to practice saying “I’m sorry” — and are two great ways to show your children that nothing they can say or do will change your love for them.
While Father’s Day gifts are great, it is even better to give our children gifts that will last them a lifetime. We must choose each day to give our children these gifts — as a father myself, I can honestly say your life, and your children’s lives, will be changed if you do.
John Jackson is president of William Jessup University, one of the top private Christian universities in the nation.
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