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OPINION
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Pelosi’s Long Con

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AP Photo/Andrew Harnik

There must be something wrong with Nancy Pelosi’s hands, like a lack of blood flow to her knuckles or something. During the State of the Union Address, the Speaker of the House, who has become one of the richest people in America WHILE engaging in “public service,” kept rubbing her fists together like a fly that just landed on a fresh pile of, um, political rhetoric. It was creepy; but then Nancy Pelosi is creepy. She’s also a con artist. 

I’m not talking about how she and her husband have managed to amass a net worth north of $250 million, or even how her worthless son managed to find himself involved in so many sketchy business deals. Those are things people can and should look up for themselves, not that they’ll matter to either the voters in her district or the Justice Department – if you’re a part of the machine, you can pretty much get away with anything. 

I am talking about how she goes about raising money for Democrats.

I expect panicked emails and straight-up lies from everyone in politics, especially left-wing groups. The Speaker of the House should, at least you’d hope, hold herself to a higher standard. Or at least some kind of standard. Nancy Pelosi does not. 

Someone willing to do anything to make themselves rich will do anything to raise money so they keep the power worth selling that made them so rich in the first place.

Under the subject line “HISTORIC rebuke,” Pelosi sent out an email declaring “DEMOCRATS CLOSE POLLING GAP.”

“I can’t believe it! Our Democrats have closed a MASSIVE polling gap with Republicans!” she cries like a 12-year-old girl. “I know Donald Trump and Mitch McConnell are FUMING at this news, and I’m determined to seal their miserable fates and ensure they NEVER hold power again. I’m calling for another 1,500 Democrats to rush $3 before midnight to confirm their 2022 Memberships, help me capitalize on this momentum, and SAVE our historic House Majority. Can I count on you?”

She sounds so lovely, doesn’t she? “Seal their miserable fates” sounds very much like someone representing all Americans, doesn’t it? 

“I can hardly believe my eyes,” declares someone who’s had work done on them, “FIRST: My heart dropped when I watched Republicans overtake us in the polls. BUT THEN: Nate Silver’s FiveThirtyEight reported that Democrats CLOSED the gap! SO NOW: We have a once-in-a-lifetime chance to defy the odds and SAVE the House – but Republicans have been shattering fundraising records left and right to destroy our momentum.”

Nate Silver is an odd choice for an authority or even someone to get excited about. He doesn’t do polling, he simply analyzes them. And he hasn’t really been a “star” or someone worthy of excitement since 2012. In the 2008 and 2012 elections, he became “famous” for predicting correctly elections pretty much anyone should have been able to predict correctly and has been dining out on it ever since. I never claimed to understand what excited Democrats, but I would not have imagined it would be something so lame. 

But Nancy wasn’t writing simply to tout the latest analysis from a guy with a bad comb-over, she wanted money. So, along comes the ask. She wrote, “Here’s what I need from you: If another 1,500 Democrats rush $3 before midnight to confirm their 2022 Democratic Membership, we could close our budget gap, OUTRAISE Republicans, and CRUSH their hopes of taking back our Majority. Can I count on your immediate $3?”

Somehow, though Nancy doesn’t say and she’s hoping against hope that no one will think about it, $4,500 will make all the difference in the election or something. 

Honestly, a “budget gap” of $4,500 is nothing in politics. Nancy Pelosi could probably find that much money in the cushions of any of her couches. 

It’s because it’s not a push for $4,500, it’s manipulation. By setting a goal, even a bogus one, so attainable – only requiring $3 per person – they are likely to get a lot more people donating. They have to be dumb people in order to believe the cost of a cup of coffee will make the difference, but dumb people’s money spends just the same as all other money. 

When you’re a con artist, it doesn’t matter if you’re conning for a couple of dollars or tens of millions, the skills are the same. And Nancy Pelosi is one of the most skilled con artists ever.

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